lonewanderer | contact;; aefenglom

[ between leaving the looking glass house and sending elliot off on his own way— eren was sure he didn’t quite want to go back to the cottage secured in the haven. to be honest, he almost didn’t want any sort of company at the moment.

luckily, that was only a part of him speaking, and not too much the loudest. it is why that, eventually, at an alarming yet quiet hour (four or five am), eren has taken shelter on lex’s roof. he doesn’t mind if she wakes up and comes, or stays where she sleeps. he, perhaps, just wants the coil of her bond from a distance that wasn’t so far off.

he’ll only allow what he feels to run free for her if she’s awake. if not, sentiments are held behind a faucet turned tight. ]

[ Lex rises when the sun does, most days. It's habit from living in the wastelands, from knowing that even if she isn't stirring, other things are. There are plenty of times where she's traveled at night, but the day is when most things are on the move. Today it's almost more difficult to wake up. She feels- comfortable. There's something there, just out of reach, something that feels... nice. She reaches for it instinctively, a soft yearning through the Bond, and that's when it registers.

That's Eren, and he's close. It helps spur her out of bed, out of the coziness that his presence has helped pull her into. She sleeps clothed, though she's not usually in her armor inside the city anymore. The window is opened and Lex peers her head out, then up. ]

You can come in, if you want, [ she offers - offers him in, like she's offered him in so many times before. ]

[ the dark blue of a sunrise still meant to be may be attempting a push through the charged clouds in the sky. the month had a hefty amount of showers on and off in the day, making it difficult for eren to walk about without protective gear (enchanted clothes that repel water even through the hood and seams).

he can’t seem to find many shoes to fit his feet in that he’d find comfortable, looking more like the hind legs of a beast rather than those of a man (slowly, he’s having to transition from a normal walk to walking on the balls of them— it’s still a little awkward and moist floors don’t help).

with one leg propped up, knee close to his chest and the other bent sideways, eren only shifts his weight and the pendant he kept between his hands, tangling them into his fingers and claws until a simple clasp and hold it, dangling silver chains swimming across the scales of the top of his hands. she’s awake now, and invites him in. he would’ve knocked on her window, but. no. not today. she’ll come when she wanted to.

he speaks honesty in a quietened tone, and carefully, lets his feelings leak— but he doesn’t quite look at her, a heavy anchor weighing his thoughts down and unsure of what to really feel beyond the scattered upset, the rebounds of ferocious resolve and pained hope. ]

When the rain comes. [ a drop hits his nose, and he startles, glancing upward with even longer strands of hair that fall like silk. well, damn, thanks weather. less than a minute it was, and you could see the small slump in his shoulders. he wanted to stay out here. the fresh air helped.

he’s coming, slowly crawling from the roof to the side of the house, them twisting through the window.]

[ He wants to stay out and Lex knows, deeply - down into her bones, into her core - just what that's like. Sometimes the house she shares with Steven and Peridot feels like a cage, like the vault. Sometimes her house back in Megaton had felt the same way. There was nothing like fresh air, staying beneath the sky, the stars and the sun.

But today it's raining, and Lex feels cozy in her 'den'. She can only hope that Eren will warm to it, that the sound of the rain will be soothing - that she will be soothing. ]

Sorry, [ she offers, stepping back from the window. Sorry that it's raining, that he has to come inside. That things have changed, though Lex doesn't know what yet - but Eren clearly looks different. ]

[ things have always been different, perhaps. only now was he, or had he, gone through the motions of what had only just been seen. when eren stands, dips his head sideways in what should've been a shake to the apology, or sentiments. when he stands, his legs, digitigrade, give him more height. hair was undoubtedly longer, but— something else was different. his eyes? his everything. the difference ran deeper. ]

It's just a detail. [ . . . he wants to reach out, but a part of him doesn't know what he should be doing. another part is so damn tempted to push away like he had at home. the leftovers still whisper to him: it's not the same circumstance. it's not. she had . . . nothing to do with it.

what wins out in the end is this gesture: arms out, just enough to signal the gesture for her own hands in his. ] I'm getting something to fix it today.

[ Just. She snorts in response, even as she reaches to take his hands, talons curling carefully - protectively - around. She's less afraid of accidentally scratching him; his scales are hard and she knows it. Still, Lex doesn't want to harm him when it's not looked for. ]

To fix what?

[ He's different, not broken. Lex steps closer, keeps her grip loose enough that Eren can pull away if he wants, but tight enough that he knows he's wanted. ]

My water resistance.

[ or better— his lack of it. talons to claws, eren’s fingers curl to hers and take them by the handful, pulling her in until they’re hip to hip, until he nearly has to hunch down to her height to nudge his forehead to hers.

you know the one thing that bothered him, when he remembered the events of home? he didn’t remember any of aefenglom. he didn’t think of his bonded. he didn’t think of lex. for the best, maybe, but now he hangs over her, wanting to take everything of her in, from the slip of his hands away from hers only to gather her body, scent, weight and all.

this is just turning into a tighter and tighter embrace by the second. ]

Ah.

[ Lex nods to herself, then lets herself mold against Eren - feathers and fur to scales, skin to skin. She twines her talons in among his claws, just like back when they had sat out in the snow - both of them a little less monstrous, then, but no less themselves. The tightness of the embrace doesn't bother her; if anything, as touch-starved as she is, she needs it desperately.

She nudges her forehead back against his, sighing softly. ]

Tattoos, [ he says in a breathy hush, as he rocks their steps back and could even feel the contentment at the little curves of her lips, with just a fleeting flick of his tongue to tickle the air she breathed, her face, to taste her, and, to very briefly, kiss her. ] on my wings.

[ the membranes of his arms, he’d show, if he wasn’t so busy holding her frame. if only because his mind had driven into multitasking. as much as he had wanted to keep his composure—

he couldn’t, not internally. his side of the bond was telling about missing her. ]

[ The bond is like a feedback loop, I missed you and content and care running in a warm, lazy circle that heats up a bit more when Eren briefly touches his lips to hers. She sighs again, deep and pleased. ]

That'll look awesome, [ Lex murmurs, though the appearance is less interesting than the function. She wonders, idly, if it would hurt more or less on the wings then it would somewhere else. ] Caster's offered to give me some rune tattoos, too.

[ there was surely a deep, deep melancholy at the core of his soul, at the bottom of his gut that ate away at his thoughts when kept alone. he questions himself, or has questioned constantly tonight, what he did with his time here, and what he was doing with those bonded to. should he even be doing this? was he envisioning a clear mind to go home and survive, allowing himself to open up and care a little more than he could— or was he just leading them all on?

lex’s emotional state tips his, to say the least, gives him the momentum and influence to dwell less and do more. the way she sighed and the feedback he’s being fed— it makes eren think just a little more about spending the time he could with her than the time he couldn’t. ]

I could bathe with you. [ it’s sort of chuckly when he says it, because eren rarely took actual flowing showers anymore. other forms of hygiene were taken, every day, to avoid the water and keep clean at the same time, but something simple entertains a thought as his hips push into her front, and his hands find her face, cupping against each side and pulling back with a quiet snapping sound between pursed pairs of lips. ]

—Lex.

[ it was more grave this time, and he purposely avoids any remaining kisses that may come his way. he wanted to ask her something. ]

I'm listening.

[ Quiet, the murmur of a sniper who can't be found but wants to speak. The curl of emotions through the bond has shifted slightly, and Lex hums softly, curiously. Dogmeat lifts his head from the floor and sniffs slightly, then rests his head on his paws.

Eren's internal conflicts are not ones that Lex has to bother with, not for her own world. But for his - she will listen, always. ]

[ inhale, stop. exhale, stop. here goes. ]

I never hid who I am, [ he doesn't talk about himself, often, but it didn't mean he was actively stuffing parts of him under a rug. it was irrelevant most of the time, and when it'd come up . . . eren was always either curt or vague. ] and I don't want to start doing that any time soon.

[ they were bonded. they were more intimate than he was with passing friends, here. in a close future, he manages to speak to elliot, too. somewhat. mostly. he admits that he'd do some rather unfriendly things and they were still bonded, somehow. they haven't shared a single memory and he's still. there. there's a selfish part of him that would hope and like for lex to stay, too. the one bit of him that was lonely and tired but too damn selfless to let his responsibilities go.

maybe there was a reason they were bonded. birds of a feather, in one way or another. but, he still needed to hear it. he needed to hear something. ]

[ Her head tilts at him, curious. She's quiet for a moment, trying to puzzle over what Eren is saying - what he's really saying. She's certain that there's some reason he's saying this, but what it is... well, that, she hasn't got a clue. ]

I don't plan on asking you to, [ she says after a moment, head still tilted. ] It's not like I'm big on hiding who I am.

[ The wastelander, the survivor, the young woman with a sniper rifle and the patience to get the shot right - those were all a part of Lex, whether they fit in with this pretty city they were in or not. ]

[ maybe they should. sit. the floor, on the bed, it doesn't matter much to him, but a soft thud sounds when he does. ]

What do you do to someone who takes your freedom? [ he asks her for her own personal reasoning, before getting into his. maybe they could relate, maybe they couldn't. ]

Kill them.

[ Blunt. To the point. But it's true - slavers, raiders, super mutants, anything that would try and take Lex away from her freedom? They didn't deserve to live. Not unless she found some extenuating circumstance. ]

Why?

[ that was a very lex answer and one he was expecting, really. it was simple, that way. unsurprised, eren continues. ]

I take theirs away. [ which wasn’t far off of killing, either. whether it be taking one person’s life, or killing far too many in the web he knows exists— until there is no web. until there is no wheel. ] It doesn’t matter if it’s a person or an idea, or, [ he gestures to wherever the mind takes her. an idea englobes societies, worlds, ] the collateral damage that causes doesn’t stop me.

[ he doesn’t seem like he’s fond of that. in fact, there’s a part of him that’s completely withered about it. women, children, bystanders, innocents. family. friends. it didn’t stop him at all, no matter how much it twisted his chest to the point that his heart iced some to stop feeling. even if it never worked in warding it all off. ]

I’ve always been this way.

[ his intentions are good— what he thinks is good, and what aligns with his views of who he wants in that circle. the rest . . . the rest couldn’t matter. the rest was ugly and unstoppable and that’s why it was monstrous. ]

Edited 2019-11-30 13:06 (UTC)

[ Collateral damage in a large scale like the end of societies and worlds doesn't quite occur to her. Maybe it should, with her world in the state it is - but they don't have a global society anymore. There are settlements and there are factions and there are the people in between, and sometimes people have to deal with learning to live without one of those if they were too toxic to be allowed to live.

And so she only nods, tilting her head curiously at him. There's a reason he's telling her this, there has to be, but she hasn't quite figured out why. ]

I grew up trapped in a place that wouldn't let anyone leave, [ she says after a moment. ] It was for safety, we thought, but... that didn't make it less oppressive.

[ perhaps she wasn't following. perhaps she wasn't in a position to follow what he means, or maybe she already did and didn't care. she was still with him, talking, and subtly— a claw seeks her palm, and curls, wherever they sit. ]

A prison. [ an all too familiar setting that hardly changes what he feels. it's sad and he hates it and he rejects it with all his might. through their bond, the repudiation stings like sharp blue embers, too hot to pass up. too burning to ignore. he holds her fingers a little tighter. ] Not so different from mine.

[ he's . . . hardly talked about home, with anyone. he didn't plan on it, but the words slip as if he did. ]

You probably weren't even safe, were you?

[ his question oozes with thick doubt. he's heard that story before. ]

No.

[ It had been a prison and it had been hell. Lex wraps her hand around Eren's claw, and across the bond he'll feel that she's distant, thinking back on Vault 101. ]

The Overseer was a tyrant. And the population was dwindling - at risk of inbreeding, but there was a push for everyone to have children.

[ She huffs. ]

My father was from outside, but no one could say as much. He left the vault and the Overseer lost it, killed his assistant, and tried to come after me. So I killed anyone who stood in my way and I left, too.

[ stop STOP this is exactly how his life went down!!! in a way— the worst ways. on one hand, eren can hardly believe this can happen anywhere else, but then he remembers, easily, that humanity is simply like that. you have to be stronger than the next one to survive. you have to be larger and quicker and braver and even more reckless if you want to raise your will over someone else’s. you only win if you fight, and freedom isn’t something given by luck, or on a platter. you take it for yourself. ]

You found him?

I did. Imprisoned in a virtual simulation, but... I got us out.

[ And put the poor bastards that had been stuck there for two hundred years out of their misery. That was a sort of freedom, wasn't it?

Except... ]

And then he died, shortly after. A group called the Enclave tried to take over the water purifier we were working on, and he irradiated himself with them so the rest of us could try to escape.

[ In her lap, her fists clench, talons curled to not dig into her palms. ]

[ a necessary sort of freedom. one that eren could comprehend. again. ]

His sacrifice made yours count. Made everything remotely possible. [ he may not be holding that particular hand, but his own is tight. he could feel the emotion through their line of communication like verbal whispers straight into his heart. the points of his own talons may seem to poke at skin the more he clutches her palm in his, but maybe it would get her attention— along with his own resolve that resonates with hers. it feels unwavering. ] I can’t think of something worth more than that.

[ there’s so much respect here that it feels like eren can pull of a one-man honor ceremony. cheers to lex’s dad, and cheers to lex herself. ]

[ Her father had been- everything. Without him, it had been easy for Lex to sacrifice herself, and that was the truth. Maybe that was silly, when she had been so much into surviving before... but he had been her anchor, her point of direction. With him gone and one thing needed for the vision of her parents to be completed, it had been easy. So, so easy.

She doesn't know if she would have been as selfless if he had still been alive. ]

I killed the man who did it. Who kidnapped me beforehand.

[ There's a pleased satisfaction there, the sly fox in her grinning wide across the bond. Killed Colonel Autumn and then irradiated herself to hell and back, what a winner. ]

[ eren has been . . . fairly quiet about himself. after that, it prompts ]

The first people I killed were kidnappers. [ an image may even flick between their thoughts, of a young girl with wide grey eyes, a busted lip, and long black hair laying against the cold ground with her hands tied behind her back. two adult men, and small, hasty hands tying a knife to the end of a broomstick.

he didn’t feel anything for them, or about what he did, flowing through the bond like an emotionless flat line. no satisfaction, no pride, no pleasure and no fear. only a pique of disgust, maybe. they had to die, and eren could care less for their background. what would they have done to him? to mikasa? he knew what they would do, he heard them speaking behind the door of the cabin, sell her off to a rich underground pervert. she was nine. so was he, at the time. ]

It’s gone onto cities. Women. Children. Soldiers. [ friends. who have nothing to do with anything, really, they all had their own stories, and eren’s feelings on them are different. he can’t help but to feel a buried sorrow that had no where else to really go. he’s sorry about that. but he’s not sorey about what it’s for. between the worst possibilities, this one was the lesser. ]

It always comes down to one thing, no matter which side you’re on: It’s us, or them.

contact;; aefenglom

september 1st

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

ten years later

?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!! jumps back in time!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHEEEEEE

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject